I’m Coming Home

Through the month of November and December, you may have noticed a change on my blog. I brought on a lot of guest posters (those of whom I thank dearly!) and I posted several sponsored posts. I didn’t write many posts that were personal and very few with photos of me or my family. There is a reason for all of that. Up until this point, I have kept it all pretty private, but I want all of you to know what has been going on.

About 9 months ago I received some pretty disturbing comments and emails about my body. I won’t go into detail about what they say, but they were all pretty specific about certain parts of my body. When I got those emails, I was extremely upset. I chose not to respond and to ignore them, but I couldn’t shake the feeling of absolute disgust that filled my body. I became pretty closed off to touch. From everyone. Hugs weren’t quite as welcome as they once were. I suddenly felt very dirty. Like I had been used for some sort of show.

The first thing I did (after sobbing my eyes out to my husband), was contact my blog host. I found this person’s IP addresses they had used and had them blocked immediately. That made me feel a little better. Day by day went by and I was finally able to forget about the whole thing.

Then November came. I was checking my email and felt like I should check my junk mail. I do that on occasion to make sure I didn’t miss any important emails that were put in my junk folder accidentally. That’s when I saw the screen name I hoped I would never see again. It felt like my heart stopped, dropped, and found a new home in the very deepest pit of my stomach. I knew that what was in that email couldn’t be good. I opened it and what I saw and read was quite frightening. I knew I needed to find help. I reached out to a dear friend of mine with a lot of knowledge about blogging and she urged me to get the police involved. Honestly, that scared me. That would make this whole ordeal much more real if the police came into the picture.

I put off calling the police for a few days. Then I got another email. Only this time, it was much scarier than before. I suddenly became scared for my life. I picked up my phone and called the police. They were quite concerned with what I told them and they told me they would do what they could to get this stopped.

I caught my husband up to speed on everything and he went to work finding out everything he could about this individual. The next day, he was able to find out where this person lives, what kind of interests he has, and where he lived before he moved to his current residence. I didn’t know if I felt better or worse knowing all of that information. I kind of liked pretending that the emails were coming from a computer, not an actual person.

I went ahead and found the IP address that the last emails were sent from and had them blocked as well. I removed the images that were spoken about in the emails and started to feel better. I knew I needed to approach blogging a lot differently than I had in the past. I needed to approach with caution. I have pretty much taken 6 weeks off of blogging for the most part. I have had a lot of guest posts, lots of sponsored content, and very little about myself. I was afraid.

After taking such a long break, I have realized a few things. First, my family means everything to me. I would never want to put them in any sort of danger. This situation made me rethink what I was doing because I felt like I was somehow putting my family in some sort of danger. Another thing I have learned is that it takes time to heal wounds. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?” No. That isn’t the case. Words hurt. Words stick. Those words will forever be in my head, but I am doing the best I can to forget them and move on with my life.

One big thing that I have taken from all of this is… I know that I can’t let this person win by taking away my happiness. I need to keep doing what I love doing. Although I will be blogging with a little more caution, I won’t stop because of one person. It isn’t worth my time to worry about it. I need to find a place where I can be both happy and safe. I feel like I am coming home again. I am coming home again to my blog. I have missed it. Although I have been here “physically”, I haven’t been here mentally for a very long time and I am really happy to be back.

Things will probably still take a little time to get back to normal, but I hope to be able to get back to normal eventually. Please understand that I will post great content, but may be a little more guarded when it comes to images that I share. I am so grateful for all of you. Your support has really helped me get through this nightmare. I know you will help me to be able to continue though this journey back home and I am forever grateful.